Sexism on Mother's Day??

Ah Mother’s Day.

What a fun yet stressful time. This year I was really trying to get creative with my presents, but I was fresh out of ideas. I asked my mother what she wanted, her response was a picture frame. A picture frame for the woman who went through 9 months of carrying me in her uterus, went through hours of labor to birth me, then spent years making sure I stayed alive (22 years and 11 months to be exact because I definitely still do not know how to navigate through life without her). A picture frame.

Anyways, the situation got me thinking, what the heck is Mother’s Day all about? Like where did it come from? Why is Mother’s Day all about giving Mom a day off, while Father’s Day is advertised as the day Dad actually hangs out with his family? I have questions and I need answers!

Well instead of answers, I found myself mind boggled. I Googled “Mother’s Day” and immediately saw “People are angry at Spotify over this tweet,” what have you done Spotify I asked myself, and clicked away to find this. A sexiest and ageist message. Maybe the people over at Spotify have been hanging out with the Bud Light advertisement crew? (Seriously, how do these people come up with this stuff and not get stopped??)

I started to think about it, and I’ve realized that I have been seeing subliminally sexist messages all along. Like this one from Mother’s Day last year:

As if all a woman wants for Mother's Day is a gift for the kitchen.

Companies are doing a surprisingly good job at playing into gender stereotypes in a discreet way. Why do we always see commercials of the stereotypical woman, at home in the kitchen or living room, taking care of the children while cleaning the house, with dad nowhere to be found? Why can’t we see more Mother’s Day ads that show the hardworking moms who do more than clean the house and cook dinner? My mom is the breadwinner in my household, if her priorities were like the mom’s portrayed in these advertisements, just holding a baby in the air all day or using a Clorox wipe to clean the table, I probably wouldn’t exist. My family would consist of my parents and my older brother. They would not be able to afford an Alley.

Also, did you know that the US ranked 30^th on the “State of the World’s Mothers” report in 2013? The report takes into account the well-being of women and their children in over 180 countries. The US fell behind most of the developed world, which is extremely alarming. John Oliver did a funny skit to touch on the topic of how we treat our women here in the US:

As for my mom, she did not get her picture frame. Mainly because I felt she deserved something more and partially because I couldn't find the one she was looking for (I'm helpless). However, she did have a good day and she cried happy tears over the presents she did get, as opposed to the pissed off tears she would have had if I bought her a small kitchen appliance. 

No... I am definitely not "Up For Whatever"

I’ll be honest, being a full time college student, while working full time at a hospital, while trying to maintain my sanity is a little hard sometimes. With that being said, I occasionally end up having a few drinks on the weekend (not the healthiest stress reliever I know, I know).

My drink of choice, unfortunately is Bud Light. I recently told myself I was going to boycott them, because they seemed to have lost their mind over in the advertising department. I was willing to forgive them for all the sexist things they’ve done in the past, because as they say “forgive and forget” (or something like that), but their recent mistake of promoting rape culture-seriously, in 2015? - was a little too much.

I don’t know how or why I was surprised to hear of a beer company making an offensive advertisement, but I was. What’s even more ironic is that April is sexual assault awareness month, so when I read the slogan “The perfect beer for removing ‘no’ from your vocabulary for the night #UpForWhatever” all I could do was shake my head and face palm.

In case anyone needs a review of what consent is, here we go:

-Sexual activity requires consent, which is defined as voluntary, positive agreement between the participants to engage in specific sexual activity.

-Consent to sexual activity can be communicated in a variety of ways, but one should presume that consent has not been given in the absence of clear, positive agreement.

-Consent must be clear and unambiguous for each participant at every stage of a sexual encounter. The absence of "no" should not be understood to mean there is consent.

-The use of alcohol or drugs may seriously interfere with the participants' judgment about whether consent has been sought and given.

The people over at Bud Light may need to read those last two a couple times.

I personally brought this up when I was with my friends this weekend and my guy friends didn’t really see a problem with it (they’re morons), but my girl friends agreed with me when I said I thought it was pretty rapey. I don’t know if rapey is really a word, but it is in my world. The thing that I find craziest about this whole ordeal, is the way Bud Light handled it. They simply removed the one slogan, and are continuing to keep the “Up For Whatever” campaign. This is not the first time they have promoted “rapey” material with this campaign. For St. Patrick’s Day they promoted sexual assault by saying “You can pinch people who aren’t #UpForWhatever.” They deleted the tweet and apologized, but I don’t understand how this is still happening. Maybe you should just get rid of the idea all together, Bud Light??

All I know is that I’m going to attempt to boycott Bud Light until they get their s*!t together. I’ve been making my own wine anyways, maybe I’ll just stick with drinking that, because I certainly would never advertise rape-culture.

My slogan would be something along the lines of #UpForDrinkingWineWhileWatchingNetflixAndEatingTooMuchAndVentingWithYourGirlFriends

Awesome Women of the 90's

If you ask me what my favorite childhood show is I would quickly tell you Boy Meets World because, well… duh. It’s a remarkable show with awesome badass female characters (Topanga, Angela, Rachel, Morgan- all girls I would love to be friends with). However, I started thinking- what did I watch before that? Well, after some deliberation, I’ve come up with the following badass female cartoon characters to discuss:

Kim Possible- crime fighting cheerleader.

Kim is a cool character because she took part in normal high school girl activities, such as cheerleading, shopping, dating, etc. but she still found time to fight crime. Even better, she was always saving her side kick Ron. This show seemed to have a role reversal of Kim being the knight in shining armor, while Ron was the damsel in distress.

Overall good show from what I remember, however I do have to complain about the fact that Kim and Ron ended up dating… does everything have to end with a love story? Blah.

Uh… everyone in the Rugrats??

-Angelica’s mom always encouraging her to be a strong independent woman. Although I think everyone had a least a little bit of negative feelings toward Angelica, we all know that girl could get what she wanted, and she was not afraid to say what she felt. She herself was a successful business woman, a CEO I believe. And well there was that one time she said this…

-Also, Phil and Lil’s mom obviously makes me smile because she rocks a sweater with a Venus symbol.

-Tommy’s mom was the breadwinner of her household, teaching children that dad doesn’t always have to be the successful one bringing home the money.

Obviously there were some negatives to this show too, but I supposed there’s always some bad that comes along with the good.

Lastly, although I didn’t watch this show as a young child, I do watch it now and I wouldn’t feel right leaving out Lisa Simpson. She is awesome, and I would love to explain all the reasons why, but this article explains her better than I ever could.

Due to lack of toddlers/young children in my life, I haven’t watched any of the newer cartoons, but I am sure there are some way better examples out there now. I think for the 90’s though, these were some pretty progressive characters. 

People, let me tell ya 'bout my best friend(s)!

I hate the Kardashians. I don’t care what Miley Cyrus did today. It doesn’t matter to me what Justin Bieber has planned for this weekend. I pretty much don’t care about celebrities at all.

Except I kinda do.

In a perfect world Ellen Pompeo and Chrissy Teigen are my best friends, and we sip mimosas while talking about how stupid everyone is for literally “keeping up with the Kardashians.”

*We’re the three best friends that anyone could have*

But these girls aren’t typical celebrities, right? Because they’re awesome, and not materialistic, and they care about other people, and they’re just all around good humans…right??

Well, maybe. I’ve fallen a victim into thinking that by following these ladies on Twitter and Instagram, that we are somehow actually friends (it could happen, okay?!).

Now some of the huge celebrities have their PR people manage their pages, or at least somewhat supervise what is put on there, giving them a less authentic feel, but with Chrissy Teigen, her feeds are a little different. She often gets in arguments with followers, tweets inappropriate things, and just acts like a normal person. She recently tweeted about how she knew which person on her plane was the Air Marshall, causing followers to criticize her for putting her flight in danger. She also recently told a story about how she was a victim of racism, and corrected the perpetrator on his stereotypes.

Air Marshal incident

Racist incident

 She also posted on Instagram a picture of her bruised legs, ending the caption with “Strechies say hi!” because the stretch marks on her legs were showing, and she was totally okay with it. It’s all these things that make me love her, but it’s also all these things that she allows me to see, that makes me love her. When people make fun of her, and say that she has had too much Botox (even though she hasn’t had any) I admire the way she handles it. However, I only see what she allows the public to see. I don’t see her crying on the couch asking John why people are so cruel. I don’t see her taking shots of tequila with John saying “f*** those people.”  I just see her handling the situation exactly how she wants people to see.

I also think I am in love with Ellen Pompeo because her entire Twitter feed is full of Grey’ Anatomy related stuff, and as we all know, I am obsessed with Grey’s. Aside from her tweets about the show, she tweets to her co-stars, to her followers, and activist related messages about how we need to make the world a better place. And her bio says “Professional assistant to Stella Luna and Sienna May Ivery” (her children) which is freakin’ adorable people. How could you not love her? But again, these are just the things they let us see. Maybe in real life she hates her co-workers, and doesn’t give a damn about mankind. Who knows. (Actually I know, because she is technically my friend and she is awesome.)

Either way, I admire these women. If I were a celebrity, no matter who told me I had to keep my cool, I would not be able to remain calm dealing with some of the obscene, sexist, and overall rude things people say on the Internet. 

Sincere Message or Marketing Tool?

I question everyone’s motives. All the time. In every situation. I can’t help it. It’s a problem.

However, when it comes to advertising, I don’t think that I am wrong to be skeptical. It’s especially confusing when companies send out seemingly respectable messages through their advertisements, but their products have another message.

The company that really confuses me is Dove. Below is one of their most recent commercials.

And you can find an article discussing some of the issues with this video here.

Lately they have been sending out messages about how women should embrace their beauty and love themselves and ya-da-ya-da-ya. It’s an awesome message. I totally think every person in the world should love themselves, and have a high self-esteem and embrace their beauty, flaws and all. BUT, I don’t think that Dove truly feels the same way. Especially since they sell firming lotions and such, that someone would buy in order to “fix” something they don’t like about themselves.

I personally believe, with all the recent positive attention feminism has been getting (Emma Watson, Beyoncé, and other celebrities saying they support feminism), the messages they are sending are simply a marketing tool. This is a confusing situation (for someone like me who is confused by everything) because I don’t know if I should be happy or sad. On one side, it’s great that there is any message at all about women loving themselves and what not. However, I feel manipulated because I know it’s all just a way to sell their products.

Additionally, I think there is a problem with their lack of diversity in their ads. Dove says they use “real women” in their videos, but I find that debatable. They do have women of different races, and women who are not super thin, but where are the transwomen, or the women who have not so perfect skin (cellulite, scars, etc.)? Where are the women from different cultures, or different/elder ages?

I have this hippie aunt who makes everything herself- soap, shampoo, toothpaste, cheese, everything! - if I could just be more like her I wouldn’t have to worry about being manipulated by big companies (and I’d save a ton of money), because it’s safe to say that whatever they are doing is working. I know I say I’m skeptical of their motives, but I still use their products.

Anyways, tune in next week to hear about my shampoo making experience!

Just kidding. 

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

This weekend I accidentally binge watched an entire season of a new show in two days. (Netflix is a trap, but I won’t get into all the ways it’s ruining my life.) It was called Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, and I am obsessed. I’m already counting down the days until season 2… well I would be if I knew when it was coming out.

Obviously any show created by Tina Fey and starring Ellie Kemper is bound to be awesome, and this show exceeded my expectations. They bring up so many issues that anyone who is a not a white-cisgender-heterosexual-male can relate to and they do it in ironic and hilarious ways. And the theme song is so catchy, it repeatedly says “females are strong as hell” and I love it so much (I’ve been singing it all week).

(does this guy remind anyone else of Charles Ramsey??)

So basically long story short without any real spoilers, here’s what you need to know:

-4 girls kidnapped 15 years ago by a crazy reverend who said the apocalypse is coming

-The girls were found (in the first 2 minutes of the show- not a spoiler I swear!)

-Kimmy moves to New York, and lives in a poor neighborhood with a gay, black man

-The whole show is based off of her new life, being that she is now 29 and has the education of an 8^th grader.

One of the main characters is Kimmy’s landlord Lillian. She is a sketchy, middle-aged, white woman who is set on making sure her building doesn’t become a victim of gentrification. Lillian is hilarious. In the beginning of episode 4, she tells Titus (Kimmy’s roommate) to change the channel because she “can’t get news from a woman.” The little jokes like that throughout the entire series is what I find hilarious, because it addresses real issues in a comical way. She also talks about her husband who was shot in killed in their own home- by her. She states “it was dark and a black man was trying to get in bed with me. It was the 70’s!” Also a comical approach to a serious issue.

Another character is Titus. He is a flamboyantly gay black man, who lives with Kimmy. In one episode, they highlight the issues of what it’s like to be a gay black man in New York (or anywhere for that matter), and Titus is sent to a “straight camp” type class so he can further his career, since he was told he was too gay to be casted as a major role by his boss. At this “straight camp” he is faced with different scenarios:

-picking a seat at the movies, he fails because he didn’t leave a “buffer” seat

-he is offered a drink, he fails because he pretends to drink from a straw and “real mean don’t suck through straws”

-a co-worker is telling him about his sick wife- he fails because he doesn’t pretend to drink beer and because he is actually listening to what his pretend co-worker is saying, the coach stays “straight men never give any indication they’re listening”

Eventually Titus passes the “straight test” by going to a bar, ordering a beer and sexually objectifying a woman. This whole episode with Titus represents the stereotypical straight male, and the things one must do to be “manly.” Additionally, Titus’ highlights some serious issues that are still alive in the world today. Racism, homophobia, and ageism. 

Although the show has been a victim of some criticism, I think that it is doing a good job at addressing issues in a humorous way that brings the problems to light.  

Wrestlemania... not my kinda thing.

This past Sunday, I was tricked.

I was out having a “Sunday Funday” if you will, with some friends, when one of my guy friends mentioned that we should head over another friend’s house to “hang out.” It was early in the day so four of my girl friends and I looked at each other and said “hm, sure why not!” We arrive at the house, full of all guys (expect for two girls who were there with their boyfriends… they also probably got tricked). The entire basement was full of pizza, wings, and beer. I should have known to run away, but it was too late.

I got sucked into a Wrestlemania party.

I decided to attempt to make the best of it, so I grabbed a beer and pretended the whole idea of watching wrestling wasn’t making me cringe. Before the show started, one guy came in the front door, the other guys started yelling some sort of foreign language (associated with wrestling I guess) at him, and he took off his shirt, grabbed two beers, slammed them together and poured beer all over himself. Again, I should have known to run away.

The whole atmosphere was weird. I have never seen so many guys excited to see other guys in underwear.

Anyways, the show begins. The whole thing was just bizarre. People pretending to hit each other, throwing ladders around, pretending to be knocked out. I mean one guy pretended to get hit, stood all the way up, just so he could fall down and pretend to be knocked out. Weird. But my guy friends were going insane, they loved every bit of it. They took bets about who was going to win and talked about how awesome certain wrestlers were. All the while I just wanted to know, what’s the point??

I think that the problem with these wrestling shows are that guys take them too seriously. Most of the major, overly sexist scenes seemed to have stopped, but there are still subliminal messages. I came across a video of a guy doing WWE moves on girls. It was titled Brutal WWE Moves on Girls. The reason behind the fighting, was because the girl did not like the color blue and the guy likes to wear the color blue (*sigh*). Anyways, he throws them into a pool, so it’s “safe”, but this is still not a safe thing for anyone of any gender to be doing. I found this video because one of my guy friends posted it on twitter, with the caption “RELATIONSHIP GOALS!!!” You’re relationship goals are to throw your girlfriend around and choke slam her….what??

Another issue with this, is that guys think it’s funny to reenact the scenes they see. After a while everyone was beginning to get drunk and started “pretending” to do these moves on one another. The problem is, these “professional” wrestlers practice pretending these moves A LOT before they actually go out there and do it. This results in people getting hurt. Just because we know it’s fake on the TV, does not make it okay to “pretend” to do these things in real life, it’s simply not the same and I think a lot of guys have a hard time making that realization. And let me mention, the guys I watched this with are in their mid-late 20’s, so it’s not just young boys that this stuff affects.

I ended up making my great escape after the girls fight. Two teams of two, pulling each other’s hair and pretending to hit each other while wearing belly shirts was just too much for me. My friend Moe actually yelled from the other side of the room, “HAHA Alley, you look so disgusted!” He was right. I was extremely confused and slightly disgusted by the fact that hundreds of thousands of people pay real money to watch this stuff.

I think in the future, I’ll just stick to brunches with my girl friends on Sundays. No one gets choke slammed at brunch...well usually.